Surnames - male domination the subtler way

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
- Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: Act II, Scene ii

Surnames have been around for a long time now. Though still construed to be a kind of identification, surnames in their own subtle way, actually end up destroying a woman's identity. In fact a lot other stuff also contribute to this, but not so powerfully. For example, take the way a woman is addressed. It seems the honorific used to address a woman always depends on her relationship with a man. An unmarried woman is Miss, a married woman is Mrs. and a divorced or widowed woman is Mz (thankfully this honorific is almost extinct these days). Though the neutral Ms. has become popular, many suppose it should only be used for unmarried women. Though it seems to be a rather trivial issue, its implications are serious. The honorifics subtly imply that a Miss is her Father's property, a Mrs. is her husbands property, whereas a Mz. is yet to find her owner. Yet a man is always a Mr., no matter his marital status. What nonsense!

Maybe Shakespeare got it wrong. Its true of course that there's a lot in a name, certainly not in the context of Shakespeare's play. Surnames define an individual's identity. Yet they are almost universally based on the Father's name - either the child's father or the mother's father. I'm yet to meet someone with a mother's name for a surname. Still worse is the logic of most governmental institutions that almost by default ask for a father's/husband's name as if a mother had no role to play in the child's development. The story goes on with the society expecting and often compelling a newly married woman to adopt her husbands surname. Its ironically funny that when Miss A marries Mr. B, Miss A becomes Mrs. B overnight. Miss A suddenly ceased to exist. Family and friends never care to ask her if she had adopted her husband's surname. Whether she likes it or not, everyone start addressing her as Mrs. B.

The worst starts when a child is born. It is no secret as to how much pain the woman goes through to give birth to a child. Yet, every child is assumed to have the father's name suffixed. In the most feminist case the mother's father's name is suffixed, usually in a double-barrel-ed way - that leaves the child in a rather difficult position to fill application forms. I still wonder why a child cannot have a mother's name for a surname?! Why can't governmental organizations ask for father's name and mother's name instead of father's/husband's name? Why can't society have a neutral honorific for women? Will our male-dominated patriarchal society ever change?

Well, only time can tell. But for now, I can only reiterate that
If you are female, if you are feminist, you are FREE!

Dowry dynamics

Dowry is an affair that seems to be seamlessly integrated into the Indian culture. Though it has been often claimed that this practice had declined - while some even go to the extent claiming that this practice is extinct. And there are those that argue, that in their system, the bridegroom gives away a dowry. The problem with the whole thing, is irrespective of the party giving the dowry, the victim is the woman. In fact, the second case is subtler than the first one.

I've observed that even the literate, high class section of the society isn't any exception to this rule. Most so-called gentlemen do demand dowry, and there are so-called ladies who so strongly believe that a man who doesn't demand a dowry isn't worth it. (Though they'd never dare to tell it publicly.) While it can be argued that its the choice of the woman to give a dowry or not - it is an indirect degradation of the bride in question. It amounts to pay someone to marry her.

Case 2 as I said earlier is more deceptive. Termed as Bride Price in several countries, its in practice in several countries (including USA) - its the amount of money or property given to the bride's family (obviously the father) by the bridegroom. The issue here is that, the bride is treated as a property. And we all know too well, how people have sold daughters for centuries - bride price is just a modern version!

Eliminating dowry from a society is of course no easy task. It needs a lot of change in attitude. Its of course, not a man vs. woman stuff. There are many men who think its bad - and several women who feel its okay. However, to conclude, if you are female, if you are feminist, you are FREE!

If you've liked this article, you might also like the Christian perspective. To read click here.