Saturday, May 15, 2010

False accusations of men falsely so called

[This is quite an old article. But it seems the whole world thinks that its so bad for a few men to be falsely accused than for a million women to be really abused - which is the reason behind quoting this article. What a shame on our society! This article was taken from here]

Women are Unbelievable!

Accusations of False Allegations Result in Dangerous Consequences

Joan Dawson (joanied40)

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”

“Women are unbelievable!” Really. I mean that quite literally. Don’t believe me? I was prepared for that. I will share with you what I have learned over the past three or four years of my research: Women today are not believed in court. This is nothing new, actually. Women’s credibility has always been questioned, historically as well as currently. But today, with the aid of the Internet, the propaganda that fuels this bias can be churned out quickly and efficiently. Public perception can be changed readily. This includes changing the perceptions of the media, policy makers, law makers, and, yes, even judges, impartial as they’re supposed to be.

Domestic Violence Claims

When women allege domestic violence in family court, often, they are not believed. In fact, they may even be punished. In today’s courts where “friendly parent policies” and fathers rights reign, women that allege abuse appear “unfriendly” and unlikely to share parenting responsibilities. Heck, if they’ve been battered, they may even look “unfriendly.” They may have depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress syndrome. Battered women often present poorly, while batterers, on the other hand, may actually appear quite charming. If she seems “unfriendly,” though, the judge may decide to award custody to the parent most likely to share parenting: Often, the batterer.

If she cannot provide sufficient evidence of her abuse, she can be fined, jailed or lose custody for making “false allegations.” Of course, it can be difficult to produce witnesses or evidence of abuse. She may not have reported the abuse to the police before, and, when a woman alleges abuse for the first time in family court, a huge red flag comes up. They think she is a “vindictive liar,” trying to “manipulate the court.” The abuse, however, may have been the factor that pushed her into divorce proceedings. Moreover, separation is a dangerous time for women and it may be the first time the violence had taken place. None of these reasons point to vengeance.

If she alleges abuse and is not believed, she may take matters into her own hands. She may go to jail instead of turning her children over to an abuser. She may flee the state, or even the country to protect her children.

If she takes no action, further abuse or murder may ensue. Just recently, a case of a murder-suicide hit the news. The woman sought a restraining order from THREE different judges. None of them believed her. The result? The father killed their nine-month-old infant and himself.

Now, keep in mind, too, that this is family court we’re talking about. This is where couples with conflict and interpersonal violence come to settle their custody decisions. Most couples (~85%) don’t need family court; they make their parenting plans themselves. Thus, the cases that go to family court often have some kind of conflict, yet there seems to be a reluctance on the part of the family court system to admit this.

Child Abuse Claims

The allegation that women make false child abuse claims out of vengeance circulates widely on the Internet. An overlap exists between domestic violence and child abuse. Many batterers are abusive towards their children (and pets), too. And, just bearing witness to a mother’s abuse causes sufficient harm to children.

However, these days, if women make claims of child abuse in court, they are often countered with claims of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). PAS is the idea that one parent (typically the mother) poisons the mind of the child against the other parent. It has many flaws:

? It was created by Dr. Richard Gardner, considered pro-pedophilia

? It was self published by Dr. Gardner

? The American Psychological Association notes the “lack of data” and raises “concern” about the term

? Dr. Gardner thought “vengeful wives” and “hysterical mothers” were the cause of problematic relationships between fathers and their children

? It is far too simplistic and does not consider other plausible explanations for a relationship breakdown in divorce

? It can be used without any evidence in court

? It masks child abuse (Has the child been abused or has the child been alienated?)

So, the woman claims child abuse and the man counters with PAS (men almost exclusively use PAS). Who does the judge believe?

? Evidence from Harvard shows abusers use PAS and get away with it.

? The Leadership Council on Child Abuse estimates that 58,000 children each year come into unsupervised contact with parents that have physically or sexually abused them.

Research shows around 1-9% of child abuse allegations are deliberately false and somewhat more than that are mistakenly false. Research (see Bala & Schumann) also finds that men actually make more false allegations (the most common allegation being neglect of children) than women in family court. Nonetheless, stereotypes have more branding power than research.

Rape Claims

Last and somewhat unrelated to family court but still pertaining to violence, women who allege rape are often not believed. When I attended a rape crisis training last year, the first thing we were taught was to believe the individual (man or woman) because one of their biggest fears is that they won’t be believed. Indeed, statistics bear this out.

In the US, only 13% of rape charges will end in conviction. (In the UK, it is only 5.7 %.) Rape survivors are aggressively questioned as if they were the assailants. They are generally mistrusted and often judged more by bias than by evidence. If she was married (and the perpetrator was her husband) or drunk, her odds of being believed plummet even further.

In cases of rape, which do have the highest number of false allegations, the rates, depending on who you ask, waver between 3-8%. Yet, we hear more about false accusations of rape than information on how underreported it is. Sympathy has shifted from the abused to the accused.

So, yes, women are unbelievable. I have studied this topic for several years now, seeking evidence of women being “vindictive liars” or “deceptive” or “malicious.” I’ve come upon plenty of anecdotal evidence from angry men. But, I’ve never heard anyone question *their* credibility. Why is it that they are believed when they claim that women falsely accuse them? Does anyone bother to ask: How many men would admit to using violence? Research shows batterers deny their abuse and it’s not until they admit it that, much like an alcoholic, they can change.

I’ve happened upon sites, and there are many, devoted entirely to “beating false allegations” or discrediting women. Most of them are downright misogynist, like this one that proclaims:

"False memory, false sexual abuse claims, vengeance, are all the diseases of women." (www.canlaw.com/rights/fathers.htm )

Even the Innocence Project, an expert in the area of helping innocent prisoners, does not mention intentionally false accusations as a leading cause of wrongful convictions. In contrast, they do list “false confessions” in their top seven list. If women were such vindictive creatures that “falsely imprison innocent men,” you would think the Innocence Project would be on to this, wouldn’t you?

Now, all of this is not meant to say that there are never any false allegations in court. (There are…and they are from both men and women…and they are not as common as they are purported to be.) What I am saying is that women’s credibility is being harmed, with disastrous consequences (for both women and children). We cannot give women justice in courtrooms that are heavily biased against them to begin with.

And, this is not to say that fathers don’t have their own issues with divorce and custody proceedings. Believe me, I have read all about them. Nor is it an opportunity to paint all men as abusive ? they are not. However, family court is handling allegations of abuse unjustly and this should be a concern to both men and women alike. None of us want to see children come into contact with a parent that physically or sexually abused them. And, nobody wants to see a parent punished for making a good faith accusation in order to protect their children.

All allegations of abuse should be taken seriously. They should be documented, investigated and given weight in court. And, even without the sufficient evidence, individuals who report in good faith should not be punished for failing to provide enough witnesses or evidence. Punishment deters reporting. This has horrific consequences for our justice system and the nation’s public health.

The majority of women are not intentionally fabricating stories to harm men. I have yet to see evidence of this. On the contrary, I have read research that states the majority of claims can be substantiated. And, moreover, I’ve heard from women themselves who’ve been abused and not believed. Women who have not only been battered but who have also been fined, jailed or denied custody. I’ve heard from women, who, like myself, don’t even bother to report rape. These women can be any one of us. Martin Luther King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” The injustice of this unfair stereotype that women are unbelievable is an injustice to us all and can thwart any woman’s pursuit of justice in the courtroom today. Yes, women are unbelievable, but it should be for the many accomplishments and positive traits they possess!

For further information:

www.stopfamilyviolence.org

www.leadershipcouncil.org

www.innocenceproject.org

The Stephen Garcia case: http://www.vvdailypress.com/news/order-17122-bid-rejected.html

Friday, May 14, 2010

Books I loved and still love

  1. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
  2. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
  3. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
  4. Tale of two cities by Charles Dickens
  5. The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens
  6. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
  7. Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
  8. The Prince and the pauper by Mark Twain
  9. The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy
  10. PS I Love You by Cecilia Ahern
  11. Sir Nigel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
  12. Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
  13. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  14. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
  15. Treasure Island by RL Stevenson
  16. Kidnapped by RL Stevenson
  17. The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas
  18. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
  19. Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy
  20. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
  21. The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
  22. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
  23. Twenty thousand leagues under the sea by Jules Verne
  24. Around the world in eighty days by Jules Verne
  25. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
  26. The witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho
  27. Like the flowing river by Paulo Coelho
  28. By the river Pidera I sat down and wept by Paulo Coelho
  29. Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho
  30. The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho
  31. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach
  32. The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
  33. The Illiad by Homer
  34. The Odyssey by Homer
  35. The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
  36. The Merry adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle
  37. Thumbelina by HC Anderson
  38. The Ugly Duckling by HC Anderson
  39. The Little Mermaid by HC Anderson
  40. The Emperor's new clothes by HC Anderson
  41. Black Beauty by Anna Sewell
  42. Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
  43. The Fruitseller from Kabul by Rabindranath Tagore
  44. The Broken Nest by Rabindranath Tagore
  45. The white Tiger by Aravind Adiga
  46. The God of Small Things by Arundathi Roy
  47. The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma
  48. Right fit wrong shoe by Varsha Dixit

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Momma and Pappa celebrate 24th anniversary!

This day, twenty-four years ago, Mom and Dad entered a covenant that has stood the test of time, space and distance. Their love for each other, I feel has been tried in every possible way. And they have, strongly and successfully demonstrated that love, true love only wins. Of course, they never fight - they just talk loud! But over the years, they have been the best mom and dad a child could ever know.

We never know
Or fully realize
How sweet and kind our parents are,
How gentle and how wise

We simply take for granted,
From day to passing day,
Each sacrifice they make for us
In their own loving way.

But then we grow and finally learn,
The way that children do,
How much their love has really meant,
How thoughtful they've been, too -

And so this comes with all the thanks
You both deserve and more.
For there aren't two dearer parents
Than the one this poem's for
- Anonymous

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Thank you momma!

Today is mother's day. I've always wondered why mother's day is always on a Sunday. Well, there is certainly something divine about it - pardon my Christian upbringing! Momma to me had always been someone very special. Someone who always made me believe that I could achieve something. To be very honest, I was never a bright student in any time of my academic career, but momma always told me that I was intelligent and could really make it big in life. Today as I look back, twenty-three second Sundays of May has rolled by - along with the many million sacrifices momma had made for me. It might take the rest of my life to give her back what she gave me. And it overwhelms me when I think that her love had never asked for any thing in return.

She just loves me. She cares because she loves. I can't imagine a life without momma. It would be so difficult if there is no one to lean on, no shoulder to cry on, no lap to sleep on and above all, no heart to trust on. I just know, I don't say believe - that momma had been the best person I've ever met, the best thing that ever happened to me and the only heart I really trust. I'd just like to add the lyrics of a poem - only that the roles are reversed here - this poem was written by a daughter to her dad, but I always think of momma when I read this poem. This poem went on to fame when Celine Dion made a song out of it. Any here it goes, best describing how I feel about momma,

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cornerstone of every house
Is the most important part
Its not laid on the earth
But in the mother's heart.
- Lydia Jackson

And of course,
Men are what their mothers made them - Emerson

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Paulo Coelho - a master storyteller

Having read four of this man's books, namely, The Alchemist, The Witch of Portobello, By the river Pidera I wept and The Devil and Miss Prym, I am struck by his storytelling capacity. The way he drives the plot is amazing. Even more amazing is the message the stories convey. Recently, I came to know that he even advocates P2P sharing of his own books, what those demmed publishers often term as piracy. In my thesaurus Coelho is a free culture advocate.

Well, his free culture apart, optimism blossoms on every page he's penned. Though most of the stories initially take a tragic twist, in an attempt to capture all the irony and injustice in this world, Coelho then turns the plot towards the hidden strength in mankind - the will to go on, inspite of the odds, despite losses and overwhelming circumstances. Coelho also adds a spicy mix of spiritual thought into his well designed plot that makes it more interesting for people with a religious inclination.

His books have never ceased to fascinate his millions of fans across the world, and needless to say, I'm one of them. What is more interesting is his feminist approach to the plot, which in fact, is not so common. Four of his books are to be read this week, Brida, The Winner stands alone, Like a flowing river and Veronica decides to die.

Books always transfer us to imaginary worlds that are never interrupted by the hustle and din of the office or work. They allow us to glimpse at the ideal face of mankind, something we may never really see in our lifetime. But something, that does give us the courage to go ahead, the will to strive, the passion to thrive and above all, the passion to believe in dreams!
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