Monday, September 27, 2010

Papa turns 56!!!

Today papa turns 56! Many a time papa celebrated b'day outside home, as he was working for the para-military forces. But this time, its different. We're away from home - so the feeling is a bit different. Anyway, here's a poem that suits pa so much...

Dad,
Every year, your birthday reminds me
how grateful I am that you are my father.
With all that’s going on in the world today,
I’m thankful I get to watch you,
to look up to you, being an example of a good man.
What a privilege it is to observe your strength,
your competence, and your kindness.
I am so blessed to be under your wing,
your protection, your care,
learning important life lessons from you.
If all fathers were like you,
the world would be a very different
and much better place.
Happy Birthday, Dad,
from your admiring son(s).

-
Joanna Fuchs

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Surnames - male domination the subtler way

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
- Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: Act II, Scene ii

Surnames have been around for a long time now. Though still construed to be a kind of identification, surnames in their own subtle way, actually end up destroying a woman's identity. In fact a lot other stuff also contribute to this, but not so powerfully. For example, take the way a woman is addressed. It seems the honorific used to address a woman always depends on her relationship with a man. An unmarried woman is Miss, a married woman is Mrs. and a divorced or widowed woman is Mz (thankfully this honorific is almost extinct these days). Though the neutral Ms. has become popular, many suppose it should only be used for unmarried women. Though it seems to be a rather trivial issue, its implications are serious. The honorifics subtly imply that a Miss is her Father's property, a Mrs. is her husbands property, whereas a Mz. is yet to find her owner. Yet a man is always a Mr., no matter his marital status. What nonsense!

Maybe Shakespeare got it wrong. Its true of course that there's a lot in a name, certainly not in the context of Shakespeare's play. Surnames define an individual's identity. Yet they are almost universally based on the Father's name - either the child's father or the mother's father. I'm yet to meet someone with a mother's name for a surname. Still worse is the logic of most governmental institutions that almost by default ask for a father's/husband's name as if a mother had no role to play in the child's development. The story goes on with the society expecting and often compelling a newly married woman to adopt her husbands surname. Its ironically funny that when Miss A marries Mr. B, Miss A becomes Mrs. B overnight. Miss A suddenly ceased to exist. Family and friends never care to ask her if she had adopted her husband's surname. Whether she likes it or not, everyone start addressing her as Mrs. B.

The worst starts when a child is born. It is no secret as to how much pain the woman goes through to give birth to a child. Yet, every child is assumed to have the father's name suffixed. In the most feminist case the mother's father's name is suffixed, usually in a double-barrel-ed way - that leaves the child in a rather difficult position to fill application forms. I still wonder why a child cannot have a mother's name for a surname?! Why can't governmental organizations ask for father's name and mother's name instead of father's/husband's name? Why can't society have a neutral honorific for women? Will our male-dominated patriarchal society ever change?

Well, only time can tell. But for now, I can only reiterate that
If you are female, if you are feminist, you are FREE!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Once in a Lifetime

When

The school reopened in June,

And we settled in our new desks and benches!


When we queued up in book depot,

And got our new books and notes!


When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and

Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!


When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to

Color pencils and finally sketch pens!


When we started calculating first with tables and then with

Clarke's tables and advanced to

Calculators and computers!


When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms

Drenched in sweat!


When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,

Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!


When all the colors in the world,

Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!


When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,

Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!


When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,

And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!


When few played 'kabadi' and 'Kho-Kho' in scorching sun,

While others simply played 'book cricket' in the

Confines of classroom!


Of fights but no conspiracies,

Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!


When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,

In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!


When few rushed at 3:45 to

'Conquer' window seats in our School bus!

While few others had 'Big Fun', 'peppermint' , 'kulfi', ' milk ice !' and 'sharbat !' at 4o Clock!

Gone are the days

Of Sports Day,

and the annual School Day ,

And the one-month long preparations for them.


Gone are the days

Of the stressful Quarterly,

Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most enjoyed holidays after them!


Gone are the days

Of tenth and twelfth standards, when

We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!

We learnt,

We enjoyed,

We played,

We won,

We lost,

We laughed,

We cried,

We fought,

We thought.

With so much fun in them, so many friends,

So much experience, all this and more!


Gone are the days

When we used to talk for hours with our friends!

Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!


Gone are the days

When we played games on the road!

Now we

Code on the road with laptop!


Gone are the days

When we saw stars Shining at Night!

Now we see stars when our code doesn't Work!


Gone are the days

When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!

Now we chat in chat rooms......!


Gone are the days

Where we studied just to pass!

Now we study to save our job!

Gone are the days

Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!

Now we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!

Gone are the days

Where we shouted on the road!

Now we don't shout even at home

Gone are the days

Where we got lectures from all!

Now we give lectures to all...

Gone are the days

But not the memories, which will be

Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and

Ever and ever and ever .....


Gone are the Days.... But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,

DONT FORGET TO

LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL

EXISTS......

- Anonymous

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Thanks Dad!

So, today is Father's day. For the first time that I'm away from home, such days suddenly have gained a lot of importance. Anyway, I'm just too thankful to God for having blessed me with such a wonderful Papa. His gentle care has always moved me, and still does. I remember the time when he used to wake me up with a cup of tea or coffee during my exams when everyone else would be fast asleep. I remember how he always made sure that I never even had to pay my mess dues but would pay them himself. I remember the time when he would drop me off and pick me up at a summer camp during school days. I remember the time when we tearfully embraced each other as he left home after summer holidays to resume office at a distant place in northern India. I remember how he chose to quit his job early so he could be at home with us. I just remember the time when a personal disaster took me by storm and he made sure that I was emotionally stable. I remember the time when I did really something bad and he defended me the way only he can. I remember the time when people told me that I had sinned and he stood by my side and told that I spake the truth. I remember the time...

Here below is one of my favorite songs that suits him so perfectly. And I remember the time...


When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

- Rolf Lovland & Brendan Graham

Saturday, May 15, 2010

False accusations of men falsely so called

[This is quite an old article. But it seems the whole world thinks that its so bad for a few men to be falsely accused than for a million women to be really abused - which is the reason behind quoting this article. What a shame on our society! This article was taken from here]

Women are Unbelievable!

Accusations of False Allegations Result in Dangerous Consequences

Joan Dawson (joanied40)

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”

“Women are unbelievable!” Really. I mean that quite literally. Don’t believe me? I was prepared for that. I will share with you what I have learned over the past three or four years of my research: Women today are not believed in court. This is nothing new, actually. Women’s credibility has always been questioned, historically as well as currently. But today, with the aid of the Internet, the propaganda that fuels this bias can be churned out quickly and efficiently. Public perception can be changed readily. This includes changing the perceptions of the media, policy makers, law makers, and, yes, even judges, impartial as they’re supposed to be.

Domestic Violence Claims

When women allege domestic violence in family court, often, they are not believed. In fact, they may even be punished. In today’s courts where “friendly parent policies” and fathers rights reign, women that allege abuse appear “unfriendly” and unlikely to share parenting responsibilities. Heck, if they’ve been battered, they may even look “unfriendly.” They may have depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress syndrome. Battered women often present poorly, while batterers, on the other hand, may actually appear quite charming. If she seems “unfriendly,” though, the judge may decide to award custody to the parent most likely to share parenting: Often, the batterer.

If she cannot provide sufficient evidence of her abuse, she can be fined, jailed or lose custody for making “false allegations.” Of course, it can be difficult to produce witnesses or evidence of abuse. She may not have reported the abuse to the police before, and, when a woman alleges abuse for the first time in family court, a huge red flag comes up. They think she is a “vindictive liar,” trying to “manipulate the court.” The abuse, however, may have been the factor that pushed her into divorce proceedings. Moreover, separation is a dangerous time for women and it may be the first time the violence had taken place. None of these reasons point to vengeance.

If she alleges abuse and is not believed, she may take matters into her own hands. She may go to jail instead of turning her children over to an abuser. She may flee the state, or even the country to protect her children.

If she takes no action, further abuse or murder may ensue. Just recently, a case of a murder-suicide hit the news. The woman sought a restraining order from THREE different judges. None of them believed her. The result? The father killed their nine-month-old infant and himself.

Now, keep in mind, too, that this is family court we’re talking about. This is where couples with conflict and interpersonal violence come to settle their custody decisions. Most couples (~85%) don’t need family court; they make their parenting plans themselves. Thus, the cases that go to family court often have some kind of conflict, yet there seems to be a reluctance on the part of the family court system to admit this.

Child Abuse Claims

The allegation that women make false child abuse claims out of vengeance circulates widely on the Internet. An overlap exists between domestic violence and child abuse. Many batterers are abusive towards their children (and pets), too. And, just bearing witness to a mother’s abuse causes sufficient harm to children.

However, these days, if women make claims of child abuse in court, they are often countered with claims of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). PAS is the idea that one parent (typically the mother) poisons the mind of the child against the other parent. It has many flaws:

? It was created by Dr. Richard Gardner, considered pro-pedophilia

? It was self published by Dr. Gardner

? The American Psychological Association notes the “lack of data” and raises “concern” about the term

? Dr. Gardner thought “vengeful wives” and “hysterical mothers” were the cause of problematic relationships between fathers and their children

? It is far too simplistic and does not consider other plausible explanations for a relationship breakdown in divorce

? It can be used without any evidence in court

? It masks child abuse (Has the child been abused or has the child been alienated?)

So, the woman claims child abuse and the man counters with PAS (men almost exclusively use PAS). Who does the judge believe?

? Evidence from Harvard shows abusers use PAS and get away with it.

? The Leadership Council on Child Abuse estimates that 58,000 children each year come into unsupervised contact with parents that have physically or sexually abused them.

Research shows around 1-9% of child abuse allegations are deliberately false and somewhat more than that are mistakenly false. Research (see Bala & Schumann) also finds that men actually make more false allegations (the most common allegation being neglect of children) than women in family court. Nonetheless, stereotypes have more branding power than research.

Rape Claims

Last and somewhat unrelated to family court but still pertaining to violence, women who allege rape are often not believed. When I attended a rape crisis training last year, the first thing we were taught was to believe the individual (man or woman) because one of their biggest fears is that they won’t be believed. Indeed, statistics bear this out.

In the US, only 13% of rape charges will end in conviction. (In the UK, it is only 5.7 %.) Rape survivors are aggressively questioned as if they were the assailants. They are generally mistrusted and often judged more by bias than by evidence. If she was married (and the perpetrator was her husband) or drunk, her odds of being believed plummet even further.

In cases of rape, which do have the highest number of false allegations, the rates, depending on who you ask, waver between 3-8%. Yet, we hear more about false accusations of rape than information on how underreported it is. Sympathy has shifted from the abused to the accused.

So, yes, women are unbelievable. I have studied this topic for several years now, seeking evidence of women being “vindictive liars” or “deceptive” or “malicious.” I’ve come upon plenty of anecdotal evidence from angry men. But, I’ve never heard anyone question *their* credibility. Why is it that they are believed when they claim that women falsely accuse them? Does anyone bother to ask: How many men would admit to using violence? Research shows batterers deny their abuse and it’s not until they admit it that, much like an alcoholic, they can change.

I’ve happened upon sites, and there are many, devoted entirely to “beating false allegations” or discrediting women. Most of them are downright misogynist, like this one that proclaims:

"False memory, false sexual abuse claims, vengeance, are all the diseases of women." (www.canlaw.com/rights/fathers.htm )

Even the Innocence Project, an expert in the area of helping innocent prisoners, does not mention intentionally false accusations as a leading cause of wrongful convictions. In contrast, they do list “false confessions” in their top seven list. If women were such vindictive creatures that “falsely imprison innocent men,” you would think the Innocence Project would be on to this, wouldn’t you?

Now, all of this is not meant to say that there are never any false allegations in court. (There are…and they are from both men and women…and they are not as common as they are purported to be.) What I am saying is that women’s credibility is being harmed, with disastrous consequences (for both women and children). We cannot give women justice in courtrooms that are heavily biased against them to begin with.

And, this is not to say that fathers don’t have their own issues with divorce and custody proceedings. Believe me, I have read all about them. Nor is it an opportunity to paint all men as abusive ? they are not. However, family court is handling allegations of abuse unjustly and this should be a concern to both men and women alike. None of us want to see children come into contact with a parent that physically or sexually abused them. And, nobody wants to see a parent punished for making a good faith accusation in order to protect their children.

All allegations of abuse should be taken seriously. They should be documented, investigated and given weight in court. And, even without the sufficient evidence, individuals who report in good faith should not be punished for failing to provide enough witnesses or evidence. Punishment deters reporting. This has horrific consequences for our justice system and the nation’s public health.

The majority of women are not intentionally fabricating stories to harm men. I have yet to see evidence of this. On the contrary, I have read research that states the majority of claims can be substantiated. And, moreover, I’ve heard from women themselves who’ve been abused and not believed. Women who have not only been battered but who have also been fined, jailed or denied custody. I’ve heard from women, who, like myself, don’t even bother to report rape. These women can be any one of us. Martin Luther King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” The injustice of this unfair stereotype that women are unbelievable is an injustice to us all and can thwart any woman’s pursuit of justice in the courtroom today. Yes, women are unbelievable, but it should be for the many accomplishments and positive traits they possess!

For further information:

www.stopfamilyviolence.org

www.leadershipcouncil.org

www.innocenceproject.org

The Stephen Garcia case: http://www.vvdailypress.com/news/order-17122-bid-rejected.html

Friday, May 14, 2010

Books I loved and still love

  1. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
  2. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
  3. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
  4. Tale of two cities by Charles Dickens
  5. The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens
  6. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
  7. Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
  8. The Prince and the pauper by Mark Twain
  9. The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy
  10. PS I Love You by Cecilia Ahern
  11. Sir Nigel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
  12. Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
  13. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  14. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
  15. Treasure Island by RL Stevenson
  16. Kidnapped by RL Stevenson
  17. The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas
  18. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
  19. Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy
  20. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
  21. The Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
  22. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
  23. Twenty thousand leagues under the sea by Jules Verne
  24. Around the world in eighty days by Jules Verne
  25. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
  26. The witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho
  27. Like the flowing river by Paulo Coelho
  28. By the river Pidera I sat down and wept by Paulo Coelho
  29. Veronika decides to die by Paulo Coelho
  30. The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho
  31. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach
  32. The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
  33. The Illiad by Homer
  34. The Odyssey by Homer
  35. The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
  36. The Merry adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle
  37. Thumbelina by HC Anderson
  38. The Ugly Duckling by HC Anderson
  39. The Little Mermaid by HC Anderson
  40. The Emperor's new clothes by HC Anderson
  41. Black Beauty by Anna Sewell
  42. Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
  43. The Fruitseller from Kabul by Rabindranath Tagore
  44. The Broken Nest by Rabindranath Tagore
  45. The white Tiger by Aravind Adiga
  46. The God of Small Things by Arundathi Roy
  47. The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma
  48. Right fit wrong shoe by Varsha Dixit

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Momma and Pappa celebrate 24th anniversary!

This day, twenty-four years ago, Mom and Dad entered a covenant that has stood the test of time, space and distance. Their love for each other, I feel has been tried in every possible way. And they have, strongly and successfully demonstrated that love, true love only wins. Of course, they never fight - they just talk loud! But over the years, they have been the best mom and dad a child could ever know.

We never know
Or fully realize
How sweet and kind our parents are,
How gentle and how wise

We simply take for granted,
From day to passing day,
Each sacrifice they make for us
In their own loving way.

But then we grow and finally learn,
The way that children do,
How much their love has really meant,
How thoughtful they've been, too -

And so this comes with all the thanks
You both deserve and more.
For there aren't two dearer parents
Than the one this poem's for
- Anonymous

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Thank you momma!

Today is mother's day. I've always wondered why mother's day is always on a Sunday. Well, there is certainly something divine about it - pardon my Christian upbringing! Momma to me had always been someone very special. Someone who always made me believe that I could achieve something. To be very honest, I was never a bright student in any time of my academic career, but momma always told me that I was intelligent and could really make it big in life. Today as I look back, twenty-three second Sundays of May has rolled by - along with the many million sacrifices momma had made for me. It might take the rest of my life to give her back what she gave me. And it overwhelms me when I think that her love had never asked for any thing in return.

She just loves me. She cares because she loves. I can't imagine a life without momma. It would be so difficult if there is no one to lean on, no shoulder to cry on, no lap to sleep on and above all, no heart to trust on. I just know, I don't say believe - that momma had been the best person I've ever met, the best thing that ever happened to me and the only heart I really trust. I'd just like to add the lyrics of a poem - only that the roles are reversed here - this poem was written by a daughter to her dad, but I always think of momma when I read this poem. This poem went on to fame when Celine Dion made a song out of it. Any here it goes, best describing how I feel about momma,

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cornerstone of every house
Is the most important part
Its not laid on the earth
But in the mother's heart.
- Lydia Jackson

And of course,
Men are what their mothers made them - Emerson

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Paulo Coelho - a master storyteller

Having read four of this man's books, namely, The Alchemist, The Witch of Portobello, By the river Pidera I wept and The Devil and Miss Prym, I am struck by his storytelling capacity. The way he drives the plot is amazing. Even more amazing is the message the stories convey. Recently, I came to know that he even advocates P2P sharing of his own books, what those demmed publishers often term as piracy. In my thesaurus Coelho is a free culture advocate.

Well, his free culture apart, optimism blossoms on every page he's penned. Though most of the stories initially take a tragic twist, in an attempt to capture all the irony and injustice in this world, Coelho then turns the plot towards the hidden strength in mankind - the will to go on, inspite of the odds, despite losses and overwhelming circumstances. Coelho also adds a spicy mix of spiritual thought into his well designed plot that makes it more interesting for people with a religious inclination.

His books have never ceased to fascinate his millions of fans across the world, and needless to say, I'm one of them. What is more interesting is his feminist approach to the plot, which in fact, is not so common. Four of his books are to be read this week, Brida, The Winner stands alone, Like a flowing river and Veronica decides to die.

Books always transfer us to imaginary worlds that are never interrupted by the hustle and din of the office or work. They allow us to glimpse at the ideal face of mankind, something we may never really see in our lifetime. But something, that does give us the courage to go ahead, the will to strive, the passion to thrive and above all, the passion to believe in dreams!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Why should women cook at their in-laws place?!

I had an interesting, or should I say irritating discussion this morning. One of my friends was more than convinced that his wife should cook at HIS parents' home. I was rather too surprised to learn that he himself had never cooked at his own home. And it was too much for me to digest that he expected his would be wife to!

Worse than all, he defended his position. And it was quite simple. My wife would be a woman. A woman should know cooking. And it simply follows that a cook who is a woman and is his wife should cook for his family members too. Which woman would accept his proposal is an interesting event to watch for. But what surprises is that he has the heart to expect all this.

No, my friend isn't from the half-baked kind you imagine. He's an accomplished experienced and financially stable officer, with knowledge good enough to stir you up. But the conversation, or debate we had this morning proved to me beyond a shadow of doubt that male dominated culture/attitude still prevails even in affluent and literate circles.

I was further shocked to learn that many of my friends held a similar view, even women thought it was okay - and that was a bit disgusting. Of course, this conversation led to further shocking revelations. Someone said that even though he was quite a flirt, he would never tolerate his wife seeing anyone else. Men have that right, he believes. I promised myself that if I happen to be a daughter's father, she'd grow to be the toughest feminist this planet has ever seen!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Changing Lanes

It almost always intrigues me how some have nearly perfect career sketches. Even as far as my personal side goes, I'm of the double-minded kind and my career per se has been a jigsaw puzzle. Once it seemed to be all in control, but suddenly things began to shape themselves and I seemed to experiment with every opportunity coming my way.

Computer Science, of course, was my first love. It all started during the summer of 2001 when I joined Aptech's e-ACCP programme. I was more than convinced that computers were my Midas' touch. It seemed to flow that way as I also took up an engineering course on Computer Science. Interestingly, Providence didn't want it that way.

I landed up in an MBA programme much to my own surprise. Anyway, I really loved what I learnt and did. Marketing had a good appeal and I also spun a couple of researches on the same. It looked as if my career would take of from there. Also, the job markets projected that most MBA positions were for Marketeers than for anyone else.

But, again I switched. When asked to opt for a specialization, I confidently chose Finance. Finance is of course the heart of the business world, isn't it? And so my argument sold. It was all glossy. Numbers still enchant me. It is so much fun to work on numbers. Crunching and churning and truncating and adjusting are really a cool job to do.

Eventually, I also had a short stint as a Verbal Ability faculty at PSG's MBA Entrance Exam coaching center. Finally, now I work for an Insurance company. Where next? I'm afraid, only time can tell...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

So hard to say goodbye

Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
- Romeo and Juliet Act 2, Scene 2


Its been one and a half months since I've left home for Mumbai. On the outside life has been going as good as ever. With friends for colleagues and an amicable office atmosphere, things can't be more better. But in the inside I really don't feel like having left home. I still haven't really said goodbye to my family back at Coimbatore. They're still close to my heart, their breath still brushes my face each time the wind blows.

Everything just goes around and round. I take a train at 7:45 and reach my place an hour and a half later. The journey is so awfully long that I sometimes need two newspapers to pass the time. The return journey is just as long and consumes another newspaper. The railway stations are so crowded that sometimes I wonder if all of India had suddenly migrated to Mumbai. Sometimes when I stand back to watch the crowd, it seems so awfully funny - people scurrying everywhere, all the time. Everyone is so busy, someone drops his bag and spends a quarter of an hour to pick it up. 'This is Mumbai,' quips a friend.

As I walk back to my sixth floor flat, I reminisce my sweet hometown, Coimbatore. A quiet and a calm place, a distant cry from the hustle and bustle of Mumbai. I often long for that night walk on my terrace, those cauliflower fry vendors and sugarcane stalls on the road side. People never ran there, they always walk, so unlike Mumbai. Yet for all that, Mumbai is a place where everyone feels at home. There's something so unique about this place that no one regrets for having come here.

Mom calls every other day to check out if I had my breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dad still recharges my prepaid connection. My brother Clarence is still my best friend ever. Life may never take me back to my sweet home. In fact, even I dont miss home that much after all - for there is always a world of dreams and illusions where I still sleep on momma's lap, where dad still prepares apple shakes and I still play chess with my brother.

We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
- The Tempest Act 4, Scene 1

Saturday, April 24, 2010

How society and the big media systematically denegrate women

Victimized women are always on fire for doing the wrong things!? Whenever there's a rape or molestation, the media and society jump in almost immediately to the conclusion that the victim was wearing short skirts, went out all by herself in the dark night, was dead drunk or whatever they could imagine of - to such an extent that the audience would even sympathize with, or justify the attacker. Worse still is the case of domestic violence. Women are supposed to take in all their husbands' egoism and chauvinistic sadism with meekness and quietness - for the sake of the so-called family honour. Its so obnoxious that makes one wonder how honourable can 'family honour' be when its blind to the honour of a woman - the mother of the family. Damn!

Recent days have shown to how far the media can go and denegrate women. Two women have been favorites for several news media - Sania Mirza and Sunanda Pushkar. Case 1, Sania might have done the worst possible thing in marrying whoever she is now married to, but isn't that her right. There is no real reason as to why she shouldn't marry a foreign national. Honestly, she was in the news for no fault of hers. And she in fact deserves appreciation now, that she's announced that she wouldn't be dropping her maiden name. I've no idea if she's a feminist, but certainly its a good start.

Case 2, Sunanda might be innocent or not. I have honestly no means of finding out if she used her relationship with Tharoor to win the bid - in fact, no one knows! She might have and I'm in no mood to defend her. However, the way the media has treated her is horrible. It seems the media just cannot accept that women can be successful in business. They went to the extent of projecting her as a slut. Its so unfortunate that media in a country like India, which has seen women like Kiran Shah, Indra Nooyi and Kiran Bedi still struggles to accept women as independent and capable of succeeding in business all by themselves.

Obviously things get worse when these attitudes are reflected by law. The recent judgement of a Bombay court that forbids abused women from filing cases in police stations other than the place of abuse has raised eye-brows. People end up wondering if there is any point in asking a woman who had just escaped a place of torture to go back to the same vicinity to seek justice. Families also contribute to this jeopardy. Young women are taught to obey their husbands and in-laws too.

Here's a typical scenario. When a couple get married, say the wife prepares tea for her husband. He thanks and appreciates and even makes a godess of her. Next day when she prepares tea again, he might thank and appreciate. Day three, he merely thanks her. Day four, he asks her to leave the tea on the table. Day five, he doesn't even care. Day six, she is now supposed to prepare tea. Day seven, she's got headache and needs someone to prepare tea for her. This guy calls her mom and rants 'your selfish daughter didn't even give me a cup of tea!' If your planning to marry, I think I should advice you to let your husband prepare tea for himself from day one.

With dipping sex-ratios and a male-dominated social setup, feminism in India has a long way to go. Yet, this is what I believe in the core of my heart - if you are female, if you are feminist you are FREE!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Cry Of The Children

Do ye hear the children weeping, O my brothers,
Ere the sorrow comes with years?
They are leaning their young heads against their mothers,
And that cannot stop their tears.
The young lambs are bleating in the meadows,
The young birds are chirping in the nest,
The young fawns are playing with the shadows,
The young flowers are blowing toward the west—
But the young, young children, O my brothers,
They are weeping bitterly!
They are weeping in the playtime of the others,
In the country of the free.

Do you question the young children in their sorrow,
Why their tears are falling so?
The old man may weep for his tomorrow,
Which is lost in Long Ago;
The old tree is leafless in the forest,
The old year is ending in the frost,
The old wound, if stricken, is the sorest,
The old hope is hardest to be lost:
But the young, young children, O my brothers,
Do you ask them why they stand
Weeping sore before the bosoms of their mothers,
In our happy Fatherland?

They look up with their pale and sunken faces,
And their looks are sad to see,
For the man's hoary anguish draws and presses
Down the cheeks of infancy;
"Your old earth," they say, "is very dreary;
Our young feet," they say, "are very weak!
Few paces have we taken, yet are weary—
Our grave-rest is very far to seek.
Ask the aged why they weep, and not the children,
For the outside earth is cold,
And we young ones stand without, in our bewildering,
And the graves are for the old."

"True," say the children, "it may happen
That we die before our time.
Little Alice died last year—her grave is shapen
Like a snowball, in the rime.
We looked into the pit prepared to take her:
Was no room for any work in the close clay!
From the sleep wherein she lieth none will wake her,
Crying 'Get up, little Alice! it is day.'
If you listen by that grave, in sun and shower,
With your ear down, little Alice never cries;
Could we see her face, be sure we should not know her,
For the smile has time for growing in her eyes:
And merry go her moments, lulled and stilled in
The shroud by the kirk-chime.
It is good when it happens," say the children,
"That we die before our time."

Alas, alas, the children! They are seeking
Death in life, as best to have;
They are binding up their hearts away from breaking,
With a cerement from the grave.
Go out, children, from the mine and from the city,
Sing out, children, as the little thrushes do;
Pluck your handfuls of the meadow-cowslips pretty,
Laugh aloud, to feel your fingers let them through!
But they answer, "Are your cowslips of the meadows
Like our weeds anear the mine?
Leave us quiet in the dark of the coal-shadows,
From your pleasures fair and fine!

"For oh," say the children, "we are weary,
And we cannot run or leap;
If we cared for any meadows, it were merely
To drop down in them and sleep.
Our knees tremble sorely in the stooping,
We fall upon our faces, trying to go;
And, underneath our heavy eyelids drooping,
The reddest flower would look as pale as snow.
For, all day, we drag our burden tiring
Through the coal-dark, underground;
Or, all day, we drive the wheels of iron
In the factories, round and round.

"For all day the wheels are droning, turning;
Their wind comes in our faces,—
Till our hearts turn, our heads with pulses burning,
And the walls turn in their places:
Turns the sky in the high window blank and reeling,
Turns the long light that drops adown the wall,
Turn the black flies that crawl along the ceiling,—
All are turning, all the day, and we with all.
And all day, the iron wheels are droning,
And sometimes we could pray,
'O ye wheels,' (breaking out in a mad moaning)
'Stop! be silent for today!' "

Ay, be silent! Let them hear each other breathing
For a moment, mouth to mouth!
Let them touch each other's hands, in a fresh wreathing
Of their tender human youth!
Let them feel that this cold metallic motion
Is not all the life God fashions or reveals:
Let them prove their living souls against the notion
That they live in you, or under you, O wheels!
Still, all day, the iron wheels go onward,
Grinding life down from its mark;
And the children's souls, which God is calling sunward,
Spin on blindly in the dark.

Now tell the poor young children, O my brothers,
To look up to Him and pray;
So the blessed One, who blesseth all the others,
Will bless them another day.
They answer, "Who is God that He should hear us,
While the rushing of the iron wheels is stirred?
When we sob aloud, the human creatures near us
Pass by, hearing not, or answer not a word.
And we hear not (for the wheels in their resounding)
Strangers speaking at the door:
Is it likely God, with angels singing round Him,
Hears our weeping any more?

"Two words, indeed, of praying we remember,
And at midnight's hour of harm,
'Our Father,' looking upward in the chamber,
We say softly for a charm.
We know no other words except 'Our Father,'
And we think that, in some pause of angels' song,
God may pluck them with the silence sweet to gather,
And hold both within His right hand which is strong.
'Our Father!' If He heard us, He would surely
(For they call Him good and mild)
Answer, smiling down the steep world very purely,
'Come and rest with me, my child.'

"But, no!" say the children, weeping faster,
"He is speechless as a stone:
And they tell us, of His image is the master
Who commands us to work on.
Go to!" say the children,—"up in heaven,
Dark, wheel-like, turning clouds are all we find.
Do not mock us; grief has made us unbelieving—
We look up for God, but tears have made us blind."
Do you hear the children weeping and disproving,
O my brothers, what ye preach?
For God's possible is taught by His world's loving,
And the children doubt of each.

And well may the children weep before you!
They are weary ere they run;
They have never seen the sunshine, nor the glory
Which is brighter than the sun.
They know the grief of man, without its wisdom;
They sink in man's despair, without its calm,—
Are slaves, without the liberty in Christdom,—
Are martyrs, by the pang without the palm,—
Are worn as if with age, yet unretrievingly
The harvest of its memories cannot reap,—
Are orphans of the earthly love and heavenly.
Let them weep! let them weep!

They look up with their pale and sunken faces,
And their look is dread to see,
For they mind you of their angels in high places,
With eyes turned on Deity;—
"How long," they say, "how long, O cruel nation,
Will you stand, to move the world, on a child's heart,—
Stifle down with a mailed heel its palpitation,
And tread onward to your throne amid the mart?
Our blood splashes upward, O gold-heaper,
And its purple shows your path!
But the child's sob in the silence curses deeper
Than the strong man in his wrath."

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A call to Nehruvian Nationalism

Over the years it has been repeatedly proved that public sector companies fare a lot better than their money-crazy private competitors. Be it BSNL or ONGC or LIC or whatever, India as a nation I feel is yet to realize that nationalization of industries is a lot better and our beloved forefathers weren't wrong after all. Of course people complain about the speed of delivery, corruption and quality of service... and what not. Its so interesting to note that, they gleefully ignore to ask if the private players are any better!!!

PSUs have been accused of monopoly for decades. So what am I supposed to accuse the private players of? Monarchy?? Most of those huge private players, say Reliance, or Jindal, or Mittal, have a huge portfolio. Reliance for example does all kinds of integration - vertical, horizontal, cross, you name it. Where's the perfect competition market or the emancipated consumer that the LPG revolution boasts of so often.

On the other hand, PSUs have stood the test of time. There have been pitfalls, agreed. But they've braved the rains and storms and still stand tall. Here's an incident that took place right before my eyes. A colleague of mine was asked to report at Chandigarh (while most of the vacancies were at Maharashtra and Gujarat - quite unheard of in private cos) because she's married and a mother too. She requested the management to change her posting to Ludhiana because her family was there... and guess what??!! THEY DID! And that's the pleasure of working for a public sector.

I'm reminded of a PPT that took place at a college. An HR of a software major proudly announced that the average age at his organization was only 32. A young voice rose from one of the back rows shot back, 'so what happened to those loyal old people, did y'all kick 'em out?' Its a known fact that one out of one ages. One of these days we're getting old. Forget the profits, quality, reliability, stability and trust which are of course a part of the package. But at the core of it all, PSUs have a heart and that COUNTS! Its time to return to Nehruvian nationalism. After all, socialism works!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

We three idiots - height of overconfidence

'twas the third day in Mumbai. Myself and two of my my colleagues took an auto to our office... as usual. The auto was going on and on and on. Suddenly I and another friend of mine supposed that we had spotted the lane where our office was located. Unfortunately, we aren't conversant in Hindi. So our third colleague stepped in to take charge. He argued and debated and eventually forced the poor, experienced rickshaw driver to a pre-mature halt in the pretext of the said driver trying to fool us. We got off with assumed anger and a sense of inner satisfaction in having out-witted a sly rickshaw driver.... But our joy whatsoever, was rather shortlived... as we eventually found out that, the rickshaw driver was right after all....

We had fooled ourselves...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

If a child...

If a Child grows up with Criticism,
S/he will learn to Criticize.

If a Child grows up with Hate,
S/he will Learn to Fight.

If a Child grows up with Shame,
S/he will Learn to feel Shame.

If a Child grows up with Praising,
S/he will Learn to Appreciate.

If a Child grows up with Encouragement,
S/he will Learn to be Confident.

If a Child grows up with Understanding,
S/he will Learn to be Patient.

If a Child grows up with Justice,
S/he will Learn to be Fair.

If a Child grows up with Security,
S/he will Learn to Trust.

If a Child grows up with Approval.
S/he will Learn Self-Esteem.

If a Child grows up with Acceptance And Friendship,
S/he will Learn to Love in Life.

- Anon

Always remember that, your child NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN... the choice was yours.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Momma turns 50!

Momma turns 50 today. Unfortunately this happens to be the first time, I'm not with Momma. As you would find all over my cyberspace, men are what their mothers made them. And I am no exception to that rule. My relationship with momma had always been one of a friendship - we've played together, prayed together, why, even argued every other day. To be very honest I'm more thankful to God for my mother than for anything else in my life. So great to have a mom like mine. Well you can always say the same about yours! On this lovely day my only wish and prayer is that, God might grant me the privilege to cherish this wonderful relationship for a long time to come.

The cornerstone of every house
Is the most important part
Its not laid upon the earth
But in a mother's heart
- (I've forgotten the poet's name :D)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Women can choose to be free

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
- Roseanne Barr

The Women's Reservation Bill has caused much controversy in the Indian political scene. While I do support the reservation, it should be understood that India is actually trying to build a palace with no foundation to lean on!!!

Its only too unfortunate that this nation has a long way to go in terms of women emancipation. Topping the list is the dowry business, as someone famously said, "Indian Marriage is a market where parents do the shopping," besides abuse, beautification, domestication, incest, purification, subjection and virgin-ism. In spite of all the progress India claims currently, most govt. applications always define women in terms of their relationship with men - they're always the daughter of some father (never a mother), or the wife of a husband - its only of late I've seen newspapers refer to women as Ms. and not 'Miss' or 'Mrs.'

Even women don't seem to refute social stereotypes. Almost every other woman I know switches to her hubby's surname after marriage. While its liberty to be identified by her husband's surname, its a huge compromise on her self-identity. I'm yet to find one good reason as to why a woman should choose to live behind her husband's shadow. The consequential problem is even worse. A child always has a father's name suffixed - because the mother's original identity had ceased to exist post-marriage... in spite of the fact that the woman went through a horribly painful nine month pregnancy and not the man!

Women, however, in my opinion, can choose to be free. But the fight can only work out from the bottom-up. Reserving parliamentary seats and educational courses is a great idea. But it can permeate the society only if women start from the foundation. They should learn that all the outward glossy freedom is by far overshadowed by what goes on behind closed doors. It would be really great if a woman can be a parliamentarian and independent, rather than one who is waiting to leave the Lok Sabha Chamber to prepare dinner at home. Right-to-choose, self-identity and total-equality are some things the women's movement can never choose to ignore.

I am prepared to sacrifice every so-called privilege I possess in order to have a few rights.
- Inez Milholland, Suffragist 1909

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Case for Public Domain

"English language (and all applications thereof) used without permission from its inventors, writers, and copywriters. No rights reserved. All parts of this book may be reproduced and transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, especially including photocopying if it is done at the expense of some unsuspecting corporation. Other recommended methods include broadcasting reading over pirate radio, reprinting tracts in unwary newspapers, and just signing your own name to this and publishing it as your own work. Any claim relating to copyright infringement, advocation of illegal activities, defamation of character, incitement to riot, treason, etc. should be addressed directly to your Congressperson as a military rather than civil issue."
- Days of war, nights of love, p4
CrimethInc Ex-workers Collective

Friday, January 1, 2010

Jesso Clarence on A.I.R.


My younger brother Jesso Clarence's interview with All India Radio (A.I.R.) Coimbatore Station about current trends in IT on Dec 27th, 2009.

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