Surnames - male domination the subtler way

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
- Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: Act II, Scene ii

Surnames have been around for a long time now. Though still construed to be a kind of identification, surnames in their own subtle way, actually end up destroying a woman's identity. In fact a lot other stuff also contribute to this, but not so powerfully. For example, take the way a woman is addressed. It seems the honorific used to address a woman always depends on her relationship with a man. An unmarried woman is Miss, a married woman is Mrs. and a divorced or widowed woman is Mz (thankfully this honorific is almost extinct these days). Though the neutral Ms. has become popular, many suppose it should only be used for unmarried women. Though it seems to be a rather trivial issue, its implications are serious. The honorifics subtly imply that a Miss is her Father's property, a Mrs. is her husbands property, whereas a Mz. is yet to find her owner. Yet a man is always a Mr., no matter his marital status. What nonsense!

Maybe Shakespeare got it wrong. Its true of course that there's a lot in a name, certainly not in the context of Shakespeare's play. Surnames define an individual's identity. Yet they are almost universally based on the Father's name - either the child's father or the mother's father. I'm yet to meet someone with a mother's name for a surname. Still worse is the logic of most governmental institutions that almost by default ask for a father's/husband's name as if a mother had no role to play in the child's development. The story goes on with the society expecting and often compelling a newly married woman to adopt her husbands surname. Its ironically funny that when Miss A marries Mr. B, Miss A becomes Mrs. B overnight. Miss A suddenly ceased to exist. Family and friends never care to ask her if she had adopted her husband's surname. Whether she likes it or not, everyone start addressing her as Mrs. B.

The worst starts when a child is born. It is no secret as to how much pain the woman goes through to give birth to a child. Yet, every child is assumed to have the father's name suffixed. In the most feminist case the mother's father's name is suffixed, usually in a double-barrel-ed way - that leaves the child in a rather difficult position to fill application forms. I still wonder why a child cannot have a mother's name for a surname?! Why can't governmental organizations ask for father's name and mother's name instead of father's/husband's name? Why can't society have a neutral honorific for women? Will our male-dominated patriarchal society ever change?

Well, only time can tell. But for now, I can only reiterate that
If you are female, if you are feminist, you are FREE!

Once in a Lifetime

When

The school reopened in June,

And we settled in our new desks and benches!


When we queued up in book depot,

And got our new books and notes!


When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and

Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!


When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to

Color pencils and finally sketch pens!


When we started calculating first with tables and then with

Clarke's tables and advanced to

Calculators and computers!


When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms

Drenched in sweat!


When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,

Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!


When all the colors in the world,

Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!


When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,

Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!


When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,

And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!


When few played 'kabadi' and 'Kho-Kho' in scorching sun,

While others simply played 'book cricket' in the

Confines of classroom!


Of fights but no conspiracies,

Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!


When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,

In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!


When few rushed at 3:45 to

'Conquer' window seats in our School bus!

While few others had 'Big Fun', 'peppermint' , 'kulfi', ' milk ice !' and 'sharbat !' at 4o Clock!

Gone are the days

Of Sports Day,

and the annual School Day ,

And the one-month long preparations for them.


Gone are the days

Of the stressful Quarterly,

Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most enjoyed holidays after them!


Gone are the days

Of tenth and twelfth standards, when

We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!

We learnt,

We enjoyed,

We played,

We won,

We lost,

We laughed,

We cried,

We fought,

We thought.

With so much fun in them, so many friends,

So much experience, all this and more!


Gone are the days

When we used to talk for hours with our friends!

Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!


Gone are the days

When we played games on the road!

Now we

Code on the road with laptop!


Gone are the days

When we saw stars  Shining at Night!

Now we see stars when our code doesn't Work!


Gone are the days

When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!

Now we chat in chat rooms......!


Gone are the days

Where we studied just to pass!

Now we study to save our job!

Gone are the days

Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!

Now we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!

Gone are the days

Where we shouted on the road!

Now we don't shout even at home

Gone are the days

Where we got lectures from all!

Now we give lectures to all...

Gone are the days

But not the memories, which will be

Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and

Ever and ever and ever .....


Gone are the Days.... But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,

DONT FORGET TO

LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL

EXISTS......

- Anonymous

Thanks Dad!

So, today is Father's day. For the first time that I'm away from home, such days suddenly have gained a lot of importance. Anyway, I'm just too thankful to God for having blessed me with such a wonderful Papa. His gentle care has always moved me, and still does. I remember the time when he used to wake me up with a cup of tea or coffee during my exams when everyone else would be fast asleep. I remember how he always made sure that I never even had to pay my mess dues but would pay them himself. I remember the time when he would drop me off and pick me up at a summer camp during school days. I remember the time when we tearfully embraced each other as he left home after summer holidays to resume office at a distant place in northern India. I remember how he chose to quit his job early so he could be at home with us. I just remember the time when a personal disaster took me by storm and he made sure that I was emotionally stable. I remember the time when I did really something bad and he defended me the way only he can. I remember the time when people told me that I had sinned and he stood by my side and told that I spake the truth. I remember the time...

Here below is one of my favorite songs that suits him so perfectly. And I remember the time...


When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

- Rolf Lovland & Brendan Graham